What Exactly is an End of Life Doula? An End of Life Doula, otherwise known as the "Death Doula" was brought to light in the hopes and encouragement of helping individuals process their deaths and regain a sense of connection to the way we die, and by proxy, live the remainder of our lives in the most fulfilling way possible. Death is not an easy process for ourselves, or our loved ones. A Doula can help with the 'labor' process of our passing. Just as a Birth Doula assists a mother through emotional, mental and spiritual support--an End of Life Doula acts as a spiritual support to us in our final days to help us connect to our sacred and final journey in life.
Is a Doula a Medical Professional? The End of Life Doula is not a medical professional, and is not designed to replace any medical care, palliative care, or psychological care. Unless a Death Doula is a certified Registered Nurse, they cannot provide medical care. And even if they are, in many locations it is considered a conflict of interest to be acting as a nurse and Death Doula for a private client. It may also be considered in many locations an ethical question for a nurse or otherwise employed practitioner staffed by a medical organization such as Hospice to actively take on clients of that organization as clients. The rules will vary from State to State, and organization to organization. A Doula who is a practicing nurse may add their skills to their nursing work to be more effective nurses, but keep a boundary between the two careers. The goal of the Doula is to work alongside of and not in competition with any medical care as an active support. Doulas offer more one-on-one assistance through coaching, active listening, and supporting a client and their loved ones.
So What Can I Expect Working With a Death Doula? All Doulas work differently. As a Doula, they will focus on first getting a picture or an idea of you and your families' needs. Every situation is different. While Doulas may have things they personally bring to the table as their strengths and what makes them unique, no two Doulas may operate the same. Some may focus more on the mental/emotional/spiritual support while some Doulas may pay an active part of caretaking such as helping around the house, offering breaks to the family, and sitting with the client. Some Doulas sit Vigil in the final days, with round the clock care while some focus on aftercare and End of Life celebrations. Inquire about specific services. A Doula often times coaches you and your family, focuses on attainable goals, focuses on your comforts and final wishes, and can act as a facilitator to make sure everyone is on the same page.
Why is focusing on final wishes an important part of Doula work? As the Doula, the focus is YOUR wants and wishes and what makes YOU comfortable. Families' wishes, while they can be taken into consideration, are often diverse and may contradict each other. Everyone is grieving and trying to cope with how to process major decisions and final preparations. Assisting you and your family will help everyone come together in peace if they are able to communicate what your true desires are. Things such as where you would prefer to be (at home with care, or in the hospital), who you would prefer at your bedside, and more helps you feel comfortable in your experience. A Doula can help advocate for your voice and support you in your expression in a loving and compassionate way, and can act as a major guide in the difficult conversations and how to have them.
What Are the Biggest Tools a Doula Can Bring to the Table? Many Doulas are coaches, and may offer some form of energetic healing support if it is desired. Many use Reiki as a modality but may engage in prayer at your request, or hold space for you to feel safe in an active understanding of the afterlife, and reflect back at you what it means to you. If you have a differing belief system, express that. You may be of an alternate faith, or have no faith at all. An experienced Doula will respect your vision of your Spirituality or even lackthereof. Spiritual and emotional support often go hand in hand, and it is no one's job to try to convince you or change your mind while you are in your process. The most important thing is this is a personal connection. If your wishes are as simple as you wish someone would read to you or play your favorite music to as deep as trying to figure everything out and support you in your grief-- a Doula is there to support you on your journey.
Realistically, What Would a Session with a Doula Look Like? A lot of that depends on what your needs are. They may focus on making sure you're on track with the plans you both agreed upon, such as goals or life experiences. They may help you actualize those goals or find ways to help you make it attainable. They may have difficult but compassionate conversations with you, or provide comfort care. They may use supportive tools to assist such as massage (if available), energy healing, aromatherapy, coaching, philosophical conversation, or emotional support. They may reflect back at you possibilities, problem solving, and grounded solutions. They may ensure you get to watch a football game or help you knit. This experience is about YOU. Whatever provides you happiness, comfort, and peace is the Doula's end goal.
What if I Don't Know What I Need Though? That isn't a problem. That's what the Doula is there for. The coaching sessions are designed to help you find clarity and action in a time of grief and confusion. It's a lot to take in at once. They are there to help you figure it out, so you are not alone when things are difficult. Actionable plans and emotional support help you bring it all together so you don't have to have the burden of going it all alone.
What Else Do I Need to Know? Part of a Doula's job is to ensure you're taking part of the process. They will compassionately remind you of what your important and meaningful experiences are, or plans you wish to achieve. They may hold you gently accountable, but remember, you're allowed to change your mind at any time! This is a flexible experience, and nothing is set in stone. What is important is your experience is meaningful to you, whatever that looks like. Sessions usually occur weekly, but a modified schedule may be done at your discretion. Every Doula's structure is different. There is usually a signed agreement, and agreed upon rate as a package, or hourly. Don't forget to ask many questions during any consultation you have.
Don't know what to ask? Here are some questions you can offer.
What do you specialize in?
What is your mission and goal in supporting me?
What are your favorite parts of your work? What are you most passionate about?
What can I expect?
How will my family be a part of this process? What roles do you play with my family?
Do you offer any healing modalities?
How do you cater to my Spiritual beliefs?
How many sessions do you provide? Do you do offer Vigil? Do you offer care or support for aftercare when I pass? Do you offer body prepping and/or wake or funeral services?
Do you work with other Doulas? (some Doulas may work with each other for Vigil in shifts)
What does a personal connection mean to you?
Do you offer referral services to additional resources that can support me?
Do you offer remote services or Facetime?
What's your rescheduling policy if I'm having a difficult day where I don't feel well enough to keep our appointment?
These are just a few questions to help you understand the personality of your Doula and the intricacies of unique situations that may be missed in an initial consultation. This will also help you determine whether this Doula may/may not work for you. Do not be afraid if it doesn't feel like the "right fit". Listen to your gut. This time is delicate and should be about what's right, for you. Take the pressure off yourself and make sure you're doing what's in your best interest.
What Does Kat Offer as a Doula? I'm an eclectic and specialized healer who can do in person session or remote sessions, including remote energetic healing services or in person. I focus on my previous training as a Psychic and Alternative Energy Practitioner to guide me in my work as a Doula. I love working with people of all walks of faith, and focus on open communication for what my client prefers and needs. I focus on Spiritual/Emotional/Mental support and cannot offer body preparations to my clients. Vigil is something I can offer in specific circumstances, usually in a rotation of 12 hours on and 12 hours off. Much of my sessions will include talking, coaching, and guidance. I specialize in shadow work and spiritual advising. I lovingly work with people of organized beliefs or atheists. I love learning about every walk of life, so I love communicating about your ideas and beliefs and your personal truths. My end goal is to help you process your circumstances and help you make sense of it all. My goal is really let you be as you are, on good days and bad days. I want to laugh with you and be with you when things are hard. I want you to be authentically yourself so you don't feel like you have to "be strong". I want to be a safe space for your expression and take a part in your passions. Most of all, I want to help you find peace so this process isn't more difficult than it needs to be. I want to help you simplify your life and make sense of it all.
How Can I Schedule a Consultation With Kat? Please enter your information below and we will get into contact with you as soon as possible. Please do not forget to include alternative contact information, such as phone number. Please keep in mind in person visitation is currently limited to central Florida and Space Coast, as well as surrounding counties. Remote sessions are available for coaching and spiritual advising, or alternative services that are not focused solely on Doula services can be offered. Consultations are free, in order to create a care plan unique to you.